Parenting these days can often feel like treading water, begging to be thrown a rope. But instead of pulling you out, a passer-by huffs and says, “I don’t know how you do it all!”
response? Wrong, according to many parents. Clearly, stress takes its toll.
On Wednesday, the US Surgeon General issued a public health advisory about the effect of modern stresses on the mental health of parents. Since previous general surgeon advice included risks gun violenceand smokingthe public pays Attention.
In addition to the traditional challenges of parenting — such as protecting children from harm and worrying about finances — there are new stressors that previous generations may not have considered, said Surgeon General Vivek Murthy.
These include social media, the youth mental health crisis, and the increased financial burden as the cost of certain necessities such as child carethey slammed, he said.
“Guilt and shame have become pervasive, often leading them to hide their struggles, which perpetuates a vicious cycle where stress leads to guilt, which leads to more stress,” Murthy said in his report.
In his recommendation, Murthy also cited data from a A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association (APA), which examined post-pandemic stress in 3,185 US adults.
After responses from people with children under the age of 18 emerged, the APA said 48 percent of those parents and caregivers described themselves as completely overwhelmed. Only 26 percent of non-parents — that is, respondents over the age of 18 who did not have children — said the same.
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The breakdown by parents also found that 41 percent said they “were so stressed they couldn’t function” most days — double the number reported by non-parents — while 42 percent said they were so stressed they felt numb.
Numb is a good word, said Rebecca Morin, 34, a childcare provider and mother living in Smiths Falls, Ont. Morin has two children, four and six years old. One has autism, and Morin says her advocacy is a full-time job on top of day-to-day parenting, living expenses and work.
“There’s always something to do for the kids. School fundraiser, dance fundraiser, Boy Scout events, family commitments and many other things. Having hobbies is a thing of the past,” Morin told CBC News. “I even struggled to take a shower the next day because I was so exhausted.
“We are an extremely stressed generation of parents.”
Comparative culture
Part of the unique struggles of modern parenting is what an American doctor calls our “comparison culture,” promoted by influencers and online trends that create unrealistic expectations for parents to aspire to.
Parents are inundated with elaborate school lunch ideas, strategies for breaking generational cycles, school party themed videos, and influencers who bake their own goldfish cookies.
“That’s the poison. That’s pure poison. Comparing yourself to anyone, whether or not you’re a parent or have kids, is toxic,” said Julie Romanowski, a Vancouver-based parenting coach and consultant.
“Social media isn’t helping it. It’s damaged the mental health of so many parents.”
“Mommy bloggers” are attracting the attention of advertisers as they turn their parenting posts into a lucrative business.
Studies have linked comparing your own parenting to what you see on social media with higher rates maternal depressionhigher cortisol levels and increased envy and anxiety specifically in mothers.
But it’s hard not to compare, said Meenakshi Sharma-Vadnais, 35, of Ottawa.
Sharma-Vadnais, a mother of three, says this generation of parents is overloaded with online information. It jokes like influencer and parenting blogger, she is part of the problem.
But even as she tries to focus on her own family and resist the urge to “scroll doom”, she says the stress of parenthood is constant. Even now, just a few months into her maternity leave from working for the federal government, Sharma-Vadnais says she’s worried she’ll be back in office a year from now.
“Since the pandemic, I think it’s just been one thing after another and I don’t feel like we’ve been supported or even given support or resources,” she told CBC News.
“It’s constant, like ‘go, go, go.’
Is parenting really harder?
Many of the long-term challenges of parenthood — keeping your children safe, meeting their needs, the division of labor, time constraints — are not unique to this generation, experts including the Surgeon General note.
But a few studies in recent times flight they experienced some new pressures. For example, there are more women working full-timebut still women consistently take on a larger share of unpaid household workincluding housework and childcare.
At the same time, parents spend more time with their children every day than previous generations Pew Research.
Moms are still giving up a record number of workdays to care for their families, according to Statistics Canada, and therapists say burnout is on the rise. CBC Newfoundland’s Caroline Hillier talks to one workplace about how it supports working moms.
The Economist calculated in 2017 that parents spend twice as much time with their children as parents did in the 1960s.
Society has not been successful in promoting the parenting of young children, said Lisa Strohschein, a professor of sociology at the University of Alberta and editor-in-chief of the journal Canadian Studies in Population.
This is true regardless of whether you consider the number of places where children (or their noise) are not welcome, or whether you look more broadly at the reality the school day is shorter than an average workday, Strohschein told CBC News.
That is, he disputes the statistics cited in report of the surgeon general that 70 percent of parents say parenting is more difficult now than it was 20 years ago.
There just isn’t definitive data to support that, Strohschein added.
“Of course parents will say it’s harder today.
One problem may be her framing, she said, where we believe our children’s success depends on how we raise them, and the idea that there is one (best) way to raise every child.
“That now creates these mental health crises where people feel like they’re not doing enough, or they’re not succeeding, or they’re at risk of failing, and that seems like a recipe for trouble,” Strohschein said. .
Registered social worker Chizor Vasquez told BC Today host Michelle Eliot that expectant parents should expect more stress as they adjust to parenthood.
‘Barely Hanging On’
Romanowski agrees that the recommendation is long overdue — and somewhat bittersweet.
“It was about time, I thought. We should have talked about this 20 years ago,” Romanowski told the CBC. “It’s almost like it goes so far that his recommendations barely scratch the surface.
Fidelia Cabrera, a mom of four who lives in Ottawa, says she thinks part of the stress is how overwhelmed parents are. There’s never enough time, everything is always rushed and you feel like you’re never doing things right, she told CBC as she left a meeting at her child’s school.
“You want to give so much of yourself, but at the same time, where are the moments for yourself?” she said.
The parents Romanowski works with usually have one or two fairly typical children, good jobs, partners and co-parents, nice houses in good neighborhoods and still feel like they’re barely making it, she said.
“Physically, they look like they’re fine. On paper, they look great. But the day-to-day reality, the day-to-day life with the kids… they hardly last.”